HYPHN - H.VA

There is nothing quite like the warmth from the wind brushing across my face as I lay on the soft sand on Sunset Beach. The sky glimmering of coral and lavender as I patiently watch the sun descend. Distant voices in the water of surfers trying to take advantage of every wave before the day’s end. It’s here, where I find serenity, when I am untouchable. Then…

life changes in the instant, the ordinary instant.

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion prepared me for a part of my life I knew was inevitable yet felt out of reach, until it finally occurred. She wrote, “Grief, when it comes, is nothing we expect it to be. Grief is different. Grief has no distance. Grief comes in waves, paroxysms, sudden apprehensions that weaken the knees and blind the eyes and obliterate the dailiness of life.”

I lost my father on July 24th, 2020 at 5:58am, right as my flight was ascending into the sky. In that moment, as the plane soared above the clouds, I felt at peace. Without knowing, it was in that moment, my dad’s spirit was with me. I was the last person to find out he had passed. On the way to my cousin’s house, my uncle had trouble trying to find the words, a few minutes into our conversation, with a quiver in his voice, he finally said, “I’m sorry, he’s not with us anymore.” I peered out the passenger window, the vast lush green mountains in the distance felt unrecognizable. Hawaii would never be the same for me again. Life as I knew it changed in that instant.

When I arrived back to Portland, I carried myself as if I had just come back from another vacation. Quickly, like the waves crashing upon the shore at Sunset Beach, I realized I needed to do something with my grief. I did what I knew would not fail me, diving myself into art.

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To honor another year around the sun, I give you a piece of me. “33 H.VA” is an ode to this last year, celebrating life through the high and low tides. These paintings encouraged me to find the light in my darkest days. Many were inspired by artists I admire - from Nadine Ijewere’s photography celebrating diversity and capturing vivid colors, to Zaha Hadid’s infamous moments within the field of architecture. While other paintings reflect the outcome of emotions I needed to release from my waves with grief.

In the end, the cliche phrase, “it will take time to heal” rings true. While I am still going through the motions of it all,

I am thankful for this journey, as it is helping me harness my high vibrational aura. (H.VA)*

“there is more than just the beginning and an end —

it’s the process between the two that paints the picture of who you are and what you choose to become.”